The Hopelessness of Perfectionism

Aug 11 2023 - Eric Buresh

I’ve written previously about the fact that my Christian walk for many years was marred by an unhealthy shame. It was not shame that led to confession and restoration (good shame), it just led to guilt and separation (unhealthy shame). Like I was supposed to be perfect. And an expectation of perfection breeds hopelessness and despair. I fell prey to what I call a half teaching (or maybe it would be better to call it half doctrine) that I’d bought into. It’s something I think we all deal with in one context or another because many of the teachings of the Way are meant to lean against each other in equal proportions and so support the other (like the poles of a teepee), but when we give more weight to one than another, things get off balance. For example, the Bible teaches us that God is near to us and our close friend, but the Bible also teaches us that God is far above us, set apart, and that we should enter His presence in awe and reverence. These two truths, balanced, are perfect together. When one is weighted higher, danger ensues. 

When it came to shame, I had been in a context where when I mentioned a sin struggle, I was often given a response something to the effect of “what are you doing, don’t you know we are no longer slaves to sin. If you are really saved, you have been freed from sin.” Now, this teaching is absolutely true. (Romans 6:6-7, 18). But, when out of balance, it can lead to pursuit of perfectionism. I now appreciate that this truth is but one pole in the teepee. It leans against and mutually supports other important truths. For instance, there remains a natural flesh in me that wars against the Spirit that is in me fighting to do the natural deeds that by the Spirit I no longer desire to do. (Romans 7:15-20 and Galatians 5:15-18). 

As the poles of these truths are balanced in my mind, I now delight in the fact that I have been freed from sin. Before I began to live by faith in Christ, I was a slave to sin. All I could do was sin. Even the moral choices I made, I made for myself because it was the best choice for me, and when I thought an immoral choice was better for me, I would make that choice. The love I gave always expected a return. I simply followed the delights of my flesh. It was all sin. I had no other choice because I did not have the Spirit in me. After Christ entered my heart by His Holy Spirit, the chains of sin were broken. I was now free to choose moment by moment to walk by the Spirit and not in my flesh. However, I was also still free moment by moment to resist the Spirit and choose to walk again according to my flesh. We can choose to put ourselves back in bondage even though we have the liberty to walk in freedom from sin. 

So, now we have two poles of truth that tells us we are free from sin balanced by the fact that even for the Christian, struggles with sin remain as a normal part of growth in the Spirit. They do not call our salvation into question, and sin is a simple confession away from complete and total restoration with Jesus. There is a third pole of truth that is really important to keep in mind when we talk about continuing sin struggles – we are “not [to] use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh.” Galatians 5:17. The fact that continuing sin is natural does not mean that we should not kill as much of it as possible. The freedom of choice, quite simply, is ours. Will we walk by the Spirit or will we indulge the flesh, and the choice is of huge importance: “For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)