Don’t Let Go – Lessons in Wrestling God

Mar 31 2023 - Amy Raby

It’s a funny thing to be held in the arms of an unseen God. He holds everything there, but somehow it never gets crowded. There’s a special space for a soul. Sometimes it’s right wrapped up in His arms, but it doesn’t always feel like the warm Father’s hug we might imagine swooping down from heaven wrapping us like a thousand feathers. Sometimes it feels tight, held back, frictional. Sometimes it feels like you're being tossed to and fro like the take-the-key-and-lock-her-up feel when I played London Bridge as a young girl, or that hopeless halt in Red Rover Red Rover, running as hard as my little legs could imagine, hoping for a weak spot but staying put as those fists landed me draped over but not broken through.  

Sometimes He needs to hold us tight because sometimes we run. Sometimes we forget where we belong. We kick and scream, and He willingly takes the hits. We spin and spin frantically looking for a way of escape because this exhausted child simply can’t do it anymore. We push away, we harden hearts and faces, and we keep running. But His arms never stop. They never grow short or seem weakened. They’re always holding on. Holding us. 

Wrestling with the unseen God is familiar to me, yet the temptation still comes to tap out. It comes from my weary heart. I can’t do this anymore. It comes from well meaning friends. What about you and your happiness? It comes from the enemy. Just do what you want, what feels good. It comes from my natural disdain for pain and my eye-roll to persistence. Are we finished yet? But His arms hold me tight, around my waist while my body twists, my arms flail about, feet kicking. My hands reach for other things, for something easier. Easier than wrestling the unseen God. 

I breathe in and out. I tire of my useless attempted escapes, always met with those cosmic fists welded together to keep me near. I see what is happening. I am wrestling with the unseen God. Spent and fragile, I take a knee, assume position. I bow down, not out. Like Jacob, I learn when God ensues a wrestling match with one of His own, it may hurt. It may feel like you can’t breathe. It may break bones and leave marks. It may feel like you’ll never win, but like Jacob, you don’t let go. You hold on with everything you have knowing that when it’s over, you’ll see something new about the unseen God, and He’ll make something new of you. A new name, a promise of who you are now, who you are going to be, what He’s making that very moment. 

Genesis 32:26 “And He said, “Let Me go, for the day breaks.” But he said, “I will not let You go unless you bless me!”

Bless: to kneel 

Psalm 27:14 “Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!

Wait: to bind together perhaps by twisting 

Good Courage: to fasten upon, to seize