I’m So Weak!

Sep 14 2022 - Eric Buresh

I can’t begin to tell you how much of my life has been spent trying to secure the walls around myself and my family. I long for control and safety. I have made all kinds of mistakes in pursuit of this impossible goal, e.g., working too much for the wrong reasons; telling myself logical but silly lies (that I really believed) about being safe living in the middle of the U.S.; or following meaningless patterns that I convince myself make me stronger and healthier. I create false narratives by which I assure myself I am strong and safe.

I am not strong or safe. I am weak, exposed, vulnerable, and completely unable to protect myself much less my family that is strewn all over the country. Recently, I spent some time lying in bed trying not to move. My lower back decided -- for no reason I could discern -- to spasm with even the slightest pressure on those muscles. I could not move without searing hot pain. With each round of spasms, the illusion of strength and safety exploded.

I had time to muse about other points in my life where I was forced to face my weakness. I vividly recall sitting in my living room watching the television one sunny morning in September. On the screen, one of the twin towers in NYC burned, and I was listening to the announcers speculate about what might have happened. Suddenly, a plane streaks into view and slams into the second tower with a fiery explosion. In that moment, I felt immediate helplessness. I can still feel that moment. More recently, I stood in my office building looking out over the city right after the stay-at-home orders had gone into effect. It was the middle of the day and there was not a single car on the roads. The visual was surreal, like an end of the world movie. We’re in a pandemic! Could I control the situation? I don’t think so. 

Yet, I am totally confident and do not fear despite how totally weak and helpless I am. When I was lying in bed unable to move, I had my weapons sharp and ready. I could close my eyes and say, this pain cannot “separate [me] from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus.” (Rom. 8:39). He is my treasure. He is my joy. And I am 100% confident that I will have Him. I didn’t want the pain, but it didn’t take away my joy and my treasure. Nothing can. Suffering refines me to be more like my Treasure, it gives me an opportunity to shine in suffering for His glory, and someday, will finally take me to my Treasure. I have a blood-bought victory in any and every circumstance, and it is fully backed by the fact that “God did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all” (8:32). Given all He put into it, He will not fail me. That is my confidence.

Take this as an opportunity to see if you are ready for suffering. It is coming. “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you.” (1 Pet. 4:12). Christians get no free pass. Think of the sufferings that happened to Stephen, Paul, or Peter. Think of the believers who were in the twin towers or on the planes that were flown into the buildings or the ground. Think of the believers who have died from Covid. God’s promises were perfectly true and fully performed for all of them. Not one of them was separated from the Love of their life – they received His presence forever. They received their Treasure. If you don’t treasure Christ like this, you have every reason to be concerned because sooner or later you will lose whatever it is you love more. You can’t stop it. You are weak and vulnerable. Just like me.